The Evaluation: We answer the question How bad is bad?

Today was the evaluation. My gym has you meet with someone so they can tell you what a fat out of shape slob you are. This reinforces that you made the right choice to join. The person you meet with is Lisa, who is fresh faced, perky, bright and just out of college. Lisa has some sort of nutrition degree from a small private school. Lisa is the kind of girl I could never ask out. It’s clear that she’s only nice because it’s her job and her parents raised her with enough class to be nice to people she thinks of as old. They are probably my age. She uses medieval pincer instruments to see how much flab I have and we do some exercises to evaluate my strength and endurance.

The result is that I have neither strength nor endurance. I get a computerized print out as a psychological confirmation that her witchcraft is science based.

Predictably, the results of my evaluation are that I am a huge percent of body fat. 30% to be exact, and have low strength. Yeah, Lisa you’re hilarious. She says I have a 37 inch waist, but I wear a 34 pant. Oh, Lord, please let Lisa be mistaken. Lisa is actually very sincere and charming.